Let's Go Fly a Kite!

Up to the highest heights. Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring.... I did not have the best week emotionally, so some quality time with the family was just what the doctor ordered!

Running with Daniel!

Day 28 of our training for the Garden City Half-Marathon (at Bear Lake, Utah). We are running our long runs every Sunday. I will post all of the long runs that we do cause I am so proud of the pair of us! Our time on this 7 mile run was 1 hour 20 min and 34 seconds. Not too shabby with room for improvement for next week! lol

Wouldn't it be nice...

To be a kid again! Bella is taking a snooze on the drive to pick up Harrison and Zoey. Doesn't she look comfortable?

Pinewood Derby 2008

Merlin was really excited for his first Pinewood Derby. Although he did not win, he had a lot of fun. He had fun making it with Daniel as well. I think it meant a lot to him to have Daniel take interest in something that he was doing! He is really excited that his car has an exclamation point on it. He is already looking forward to making the car for next year's Derby with Daniel as well.

My Love!

I think everyone deserves to know just how much they are valued in their relationships, whether it is a friend, a lover, a parent, or a child. I am choosing today to make it known just how much I value and appreciate the love of my life.

Daniel and I met on my 27th birthday, just over a year and a half ago. I had tickets to the circus and I could not find anyone to take me. I happened to answer my phone to a stranger whom I had given my number to on myspace. I was in an awful mood but within minutes he had me relaxed and wanting to talk to him. He had no idea it was my birthday. After I told him it was my birthday and that I had tickets to the circus he told me he was going to take me. I had decided I was never going to meet anyone in person that I had met online again so I told him no at first. But I really wanted to go to the Circus and it was My birthday and he was really nice, so.... we went to the Circus. :)

So we stayed on the phone until he got to my place to pick me up. I opened the door and saw my best friend for the first time and it was all over for me in that moment. I was completely taken by him. The night was perfect. It has been such an incredible road for me the last 18 months. I have grown so much and there is no other person in this world that I would have wanted to take this journey with.

The other night I asked Daniel if he knew just how much I valued him in my life, and how grateful I am for him. He told me that he knows that I love him but no, that he did not know how much I valued him. Well, I guess I have some work to do! LOL.

Daniel is good at everything that I have yet to learn. He makes me feel good about myself and my accomplishments. He is every girl's dream guy, but he is mine and that feels good. He opens doors for me and cleans my dishes. He even folds my laundry. He notices when I look nice and massages my feet when they hurt. He tells me he loves me often and lets me vent when I need to. He motivates me to accomplish my goals and lets me enjoy the things that he is doing as well. He is open to talk about the things that are troubling me and is okay when I don't want to talk. He is considerate and loving and wonderful. And he makes me laugh everyday. He is so much fun to be around and to talk to and to play games with or just kick back and watch T.V. I enjoy him to the fullest extent. Lucky Lucky Me!

You know that dreamy look teenagers get when they talk about the cute guy that just asked them out? Well, as my councillor pointed out to me yesterday, I still get that look whenever I talk about him. I am so fortunate to have found my best friend and partner for life. We have gone through a lot to get to where we are today, and I wouldn't change a thing. We have grown so much stronger and we have such a strong and healthy relationship.

I value him above anything else in my life. I know we will be able to work through anything together, in this life, and the next. I am grateful for him beyond words. He has assisted me in ways that no one will fully understand except for him.

I love him, our relationship, our past, our present and our future! He is my everything and I look forward to a life time of laughter, love, learning and growth with him by my side!

I solved The Cube!

Ok, so it was frustrating when I couldn't for the life of me understand how to solve the Rubix's Cube. I don't think there has ever been a time in my life, where I thought to myself, "Man, I really want to solve the rubix's cube someday". But, I got the itch as Daniel was trying to solve it. I had no idea there were "how to" books and video's on how to solve The Cube. Well anything that complicated sure has my attention. I started learning how to solve it last night and completed it about a half hour ago. It probably would not have taken as long, but the cube I was working with actually was not solvable (some of the pieces had been moved around) So with all said I can join the ranks of those that have solved it! We'll see if I can get the moves down so that I can do it in a timely manner. Cause you know.... there is a toddler on YouTube that can solve it in 144 seconds....

Beautiful Angel

I really wanted to take a few minutes to express my gratitude for the most beautiful spirit that has been in my life.

Carolyn Jude Johnson... just saying her name brings a smile to my soul. I feel like I have told her story a million times, but today is the tenth anniversary of the day her work was done on this Earth, so I thought it would be appropriate to tell it once again.

Can you imagine being so pure that you did not need to be tested in this life? She had such a light about her. She seemed to radiate knowledge and light. I did not realize just how different she was since she was my first child. But I have learned just how different she really was.

She lived a short 7 and a half weeks, but she touched more lives than most people touch in their lifetimes. It would be impossible to describe what that little girl meant to so many people. She brought hope and peace to most everyone she came in contact with. I would not even try to name all of the lives she touched. I can tell you though, that most babies that young have not even met that many people, let alone make such a life changing impact. I know with my other children, they hadn't even met most of the extended family by the time they were two months old!

There are so many stories to tell, but I just want to share my experience as a first time mother to a perfect soul.I was sick most of her precious life. I remember her smell even to this day. I had never spent any time with a newborn, so I thought it was just how newborn's smelled. Now I just know there was something special about even her smell. The smell of heaven. She was such a comfort. I remember so many people that met her, just had to come visit again, just to hold her, to feel that comfort.

She seemed so wise. She would roll her eyes if she didn't want to eat and I was trying to make her eat. I could just hear her say, come on mom as her eyes rolled.

The day she left was surreal of course. I don't know that I need to convey what that was like. In the days to follow, I mourned deeply and would speak to anyone that would listen about the things I was mourning. The life I wanted for her and with her. To do her hair, to watch her grow and learn, to watch her get married and to have children. So many things I was not going to have. I remember a day or two after the funeral I was laying in bed, I had just woken up pretty early in the morning. I could feel every part of her little body on my chest. I did not dare open my eyes because I did not want her to leave me. I could smell her hair and feel her little fingers scrape at my shirt. I layed there with my eyes closed and said goodbye to my precious angel. As her spirit left me I could see her walk away (my eyes were still closed), a beautiful spirit, not a baby but a young woman with a bright smile and flowing dark brown hair. That was enough for me to start to heal. To know what my beautiful angel looks like. I will forever be grateful for her last hug goodbye to her heartbroken Mother. What a precious gift!

Whenever a child is lost, everyone who cares for the parent of that child has a really hard time knowing what to say. Which is understandable because no one wants to be in their place and luckily few really have any idea what you are going through. I heard everything from, "the pain will never really go away" to "it gets so much better as time goes on". I think the hardest thing for me to hear is when people tell me they are sorry. While I understand why they would say this to me, that always hurt the most.

Although the pain is real and hard was the hardest time in my life emotionally by far. The joy I got from her short little life was worth every second. I feel like her wise soul only needed to be here for 52 days. And I am so grateful I spent all 52 days with her. To me if I was sorry for losing her, I would be sorry for having her, and I am not.

I would not give up one single second of her life to take away one ounce of the pain.

I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father trusted me with such a beautiful soul. And I am grateful for the tremendous love and comfort I feel when I think about her. I am looking forward to my reunion with that beautiful dark-haired angel.....

But not too soon. :)

Gratitude

"Gratitude is the best attitude!"

Just wanted to take a moment to list the things that I am grateful for today

1. Children- I love my children very much. And I am grateful for them every day! They make me laugh most everyday and they are big part of my inspiration to be a better person. They are: Harrison-10, Merlin-9, Charlene-7, Zoey-7, and last but certainly not least, Isabella-3.
(Ok, ok, so I did not give birth to Harrison and Zoey but I truly am thankful to have them in my life and they definitely fit under the children category!)
2. Daniel- There are so many things that I am thankful for when it comes to Daniel. I am thankful for his spirit, his strength and his support. I am thankful for his friendship, his love and his honesty.
3. Jesus- Well what can really be said here, without him, I don't want to think where I would be headed. I am thankful for the unconditional love and sacrifice that he made so that I have the opportunity to change and become the type of person I know that I can be.
4. Parents- Not only would I not be here without them, I am so thankful for the way I was raised. I appreciate my mother's goodness and her open mind and her ability to listen to her intuition. I am thankful for my father's example both spiritually and fiscally. I would not have chosen anyone different to raise me. I am thankful for their unconditional love and support as well.
5. Family- I am very thankful for my siblings. We grew up very close and I am thankful for each one of them.
6. My relationship- So much to say here. But, to sum it up I will say that I am eternally grateful that I am in such a healthy relationship. I am so happy that I have found my best friend to spend my life with growing, loving, and living.
7. A place to live- I think I often do not appreciate where I live as much as I should. I am so grateful that I have a place to call my own.I am grateful that I am able to provide my children with a place to live.
8. Food to eat- Again I think I often do not appreciate the fact that I get to eat on a regular basis. I am so grateful that I have always had food to eat and that my children will always be able to eat as well.
9. My Job- I get to work from home and that provides a lot of opportunities for me to be productive while I work and it allows me to be there for my kids when they need me.
10. My Health- I enjoy good health. :)
11. Running- I love to run. :) the best thing about it? I get to do it anywhere I want, I get to run with Daniel, and it will allow me to travel the world as I run races!!
12. Weather- I am so so happy that is spring!! No more snow!
13. Laughter- It is truly the best medicine. Between the kids and Daniel, I defiantly get my daily dose of laughter!
14. Knowledge- I am grateful for the knowledge that I currently have and the limitless things that I get to learn!!
15. A car to drive- I think I have always taken it for granted that I have always had a car to drive. I am very grateful that I have a way to get my kids to school and run every day errands!

There are so many more things that I am sincerely grateful for, but I thought this list was a good start!

Book of Mormon!!!

I finished the Book of Mormon today!!

Canyonlands Half Marathon 2008!!

	WOW! I can't think of a better way to describe my experience in Moab. . WOW!
If I learned anything from this experience, I learned that you can train and work hard and prepare for anything in life, but ultimately we do not have control of the outcome. You may remember my experience in Moab last year. I trained hard, felt wonderful but when race day came I had an allergic reaction to something that made the muscles in my legs seize up and I walked more than half of the course in a lot of pain. All the training in the world could not have helped me run that race. I felt helpless. I couldn't make my body do what I needed it to do. As you probably know, I have recently started going back to church after nearly ten years of inactivity. Although I have never failed to have a deep love for the gospel, I never felt that I would be active in the church again. It has been an incredible experience to go back and although it is not the theme of this account it plays a huge part in my experience at the race. I started training for the race in January. In my third week of training I ran 13.1 miles. I ran from my house to Daniel's work and then back home. It was cold and if I had had the option to quit, I would have. I walked most of the last three miles but I made it home in one piece! :) I felt like if I could do that, I could do anything! (Lol) But, a couple of days later I ran three miles on a treadmill and I injured my right knee. Knee injuries are horrible because you pretty much can't continue training until it is completely healed. I used the elliptical a little bit and did a lot of stretching but I wasn't able to run again until about two weeks before the race. And even then I wasn't able to run farther than three miles. Daniel and I have done a lot of growing this past six months, both apart and together. I was looking forward to this race as a little get away for us. Because of recent events in our lives and in our relationship, this trip was a chance for us to reconnect and renew our relationship. Up until I injured my knee, I had joked with Daniel that my only goal was to beat the cousins (Amy, Becky, and Heidi). Not because I did not want them to succeed and do their best, but because I knew that Amy would be able to make it in just over two hours without a problem and I thought that sounded like a great goal! Once I injured my knee, I let that goal go right out the window and my goal at that point was to finish the race in 2 hours and 30 min and to run across the finish line, rather than walk across it, like I did last year. By the time we were headed down to Moab, I was not convinced I would reach either goal. In fact I played with the idea of switching to the five mile run, but I could not bring myself to do it. Back in December I challenged my Mom and Dad (and family) to read the Book of Mormon. My goal had been to finish it before I went down to Moab. I had finished 4th Nephi but still needed to read Mormon, Ether and Moroni. I read the whole book of Mormon on the way down to Moab. The thing that stuck out for me in that book was that regardless of who we are and what time we live in, we can ask in prayer for anything and expect the same results as in Book of Mormon times. Well, I had spent the last three months reading about humble prayer and the miracles that come from it, and was excited that I could apply that to my life, and expect the same results. As I started the race, I felt a great sense of peace and excitement. There is something about the energy in the air at the start of a race that is indescribable and that can not be replicated. I was in high spirits as I crossed the starting line. I had little doubt in my mind that my cousins would end up passing me, because I was not prepared for this race physically in any way. The way that I stay motivated in a race is to have smaller reachable goals instead of looking at 13.1 miles, I look at one mile at a time, or a half hour at a time, to make sure that I make it to the end. My first goal in this race was to stay in front of my cousins and once they passed me, I'd pick a different goal. Up until this race, I have always ran a mile, walked a min. When I hit the first mile in this race, something inside me told me to keep running. I kept playing different scenarios through my head, should I walk every other mile? Should I walk at the aid stations? Should I run until I can't run anymore? Something inside me also answered that question for me. I knew I needed to stop every three miles. I have no idea where this number came from since I have not run three miles straight very many times in my life and had not done it recently at all. When I got to the three miles I did not feel like I needed to stop and I toyed with the idea to keep on running, but it was confirmed to me again that I needed to stop every three miles, so I did. Near the beginning of the race,I could feel one of the toenails on my right foot lifting. Now, to anyone that has never had that happen, it may not sound like a big deal, but for me it is not only uncomfortable, it is a horribly unnatural feeling and it is really hard for me to run through. I said a prayer as I was running. I knew I was going to lose toenails, but I also knew at that that moment that there was nothing I could do about it. So I just asked that if I was meant to finish the race, to please not let me feel my toes. I had a really warm feeling come over me, and the discomfort in my toes subsided. I ran with such high spirits. :) I sang to my music and pushed up the hills. I was happy that my knee was doing such a great job. It is such a BEAUTIFUL run!! I don't think I fully appreciated it last year because of what my body was going through, but WOW!! The sky was filled with clouds, but you could see a grayed out sun behind them. To the left was a wall of red rock and to the right, a drop off into the Green River with another wall of red rock on the other side. There was a sea of people in front of me, as well as behind me. I loved being right in the middle of so much positive energy. I knew I would be coming out of the canyon around mile ten so I kept pushing to get to that point. I just knew Daniel would be there to cheer me on, and I was so excited to see him. I did get a little worried because I was almost a half hour ahead of schedule so I wasn't sure if he would miss me. At mile ten I finally saw my cousins. They were a few feet in front of me. I thought, man I came all this way? I can't give up now! And that gave me the strength to keep on pushing. Little did I know, Daniel had started walking from the finish line to come meet me. We met up just after the eleven mile mark. He was in running clothes and ready to run the end of the race with me. I was so happy to see him. He helped me push through the last two miles. He was right there telling me I could do it, telling me to lengthen my stride. It helped me so much to have that kind of support at the hardest part of the race. Although we did not start the race together, we crossed the finish line together! As soon as my body knew I had completed the race, my legs almost gave out, they were shaking so bad. I will lose five toenails and I had two blisters on my feet, but I did not feel any pain or discomfort in my feet past the first couple of miles. I finished the race in 2 hours, 7 min, and 45 seconds. Almost 55 min faster than last year. This experience has taught me a lot about myself and my abilities, but more so the power of faith and prayer. Last year I relied on training alone and I was not able to run most of the race. It is always good to be prepared for anything in life, but ultimately it is not in our control how well we perform. Daniel and I are now training for the Bear Lake Half Marathon, held on June 14th! I am excited to train with him. This experience meant a lot to me, physically, mentally, and spiritually, and I am excited for many more experiences like this one!