Let's Go Fly a Kite!

Up to the highest heights. Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring.... I did not have the best week emotionally, so some quality time with the family was just what the doctor ordered!

Running with Daniel!

Day 28 of our training for the Garden City Half-Marathon (at Bear Lake, Utah). We are running our long runs every Sunday. I will post all of the long runs that we do cause I am so proud of the pair of us! Our time on this 7 mile run was 1 hour 20 min and 34 seconds. Not too shabby with room for improvement for next week! lol

Wouldn't it be nice...

To be a kid again! Bella is taking a snooze on the drive to pick up Harrison and Zoey. Doesn't she look comfortable?

Pinewood Derby 2008

Merlin was really excited for his first Pinewood Derby. Although he did not win, he had a lot of fun. He had fun making it with Daniel as well. I think it meant a lot to him to have Daniel take interest in something that he was doing! He is really excited that his car has an exclamation point on it. He is already looking forward to making the car for next year's Derby with Daniel as well.

My Love!

I think everyone deserves to know just how much they are valued in their relationships, whether it is a friend, a lover, a parent, or a child. I am choosing today to make it known just how much I value and appreciate the love of my life.

Daniel and I met on my 27th birthday, just over a year and a half ago. I had tickets to the circus and I could not find anyone to take me. I happened to answer my phone to a stranger whom I had given my number to on myspace. I was in an awful mood but within minutes he had me relaxed and wanting to talk to him. He had no idea it was my birthday. After I told him it was my birthday and that I had tickets to the circus he told me he was going to take me. I had decided I was never going to meet anyone in person that I had met online again so I told him no at first. But I really wanted to go to the Circus and it was My birthday and he was really nice, so.... we went to the Circus. :)

So we stayed on the phone until he got to my place to pick me up. I opened the door and saw my best friend for the first time and it was all over for me in that moment. I was completely taken by him. The night was perfect. It has been such an incredible road for me the last 18 months. I have grown so much and there is no other person in this world that I would have wanted to take this journey with.

The other night I asked Daniel if he knew just how much I valued him in my life, and how grateful I am for him. He told me that he knows that I love him but no, that he did not know how much I valued him. Well, I guess I have some work to do! LOL.

Daniel is good at everything that I have yet to learn. He makes me feel good about myself and my accomplishments. He is every girl's dream guy, but he is mine and that feels good. He opens doors for me and cleans my dishes. He even folds my laundry. He notices when I look nice and massages my feet when they hurt. He tells me he loves me often and lets me vent when I need to. He motivates me to accomplish my goals and lets me enjoy the things that he is doing as well. He is open to talk about the things that are troubling me and is okay when I don't want to talk. He is considerate and loving and wonderful. And he makes me laugh everyday. He is so much fun to be around and to talk to and to play games with or just kick back and watch T.V. I enjoy him to the fullest extent. Lucky Lucky Me!

You know that dreamy look teenagers get when they talk about the cute guy that just asked them out? Well, as my councillor pointed out to me yesterday, I still get that look whenever I talk about him. I am so fortunate to have found my best friend and partner for life. We have gone through a lot to get to where we are today, and I wouldn't change a thing. We have grown so much stronger and we have such a strong and healthy relationship.

I value him above anything else in my life. I know we will be able to work through anything together, in this life, and the next. I am grateful for him beyond words. He has assisted me in ways that no one will fully understand except for him.

I love him, our relationship, our past, our present and our future! He is my everything and I look forward to a life time of laughter, love, learning and growth with him by my side!

I solved The Cube!

Ok, so it was frustrating when I couldn't for the life of me understand how to solve the Rubix's Cube. I don't think there has ever been a time in my life, where I thought to myself, "Man, I really want to solve the rubix's cube someday". But, I got the itch as Daniel was trying to solve it. I had no idea there were "how to" books and video's on how to solve The Cube. Well anything that complicated sure has my attention. I started learning how to solve it last night and completed it about a half hour ago. It probably would not have taken as long, but the cube I was working with actually was not solvable (some of the pieces had been moved around) So with all said I can join the ranks of those that have solved it! We'll see if I can get the moves down so that I can do it in a timely manner. Cause you know.... there is a toddler on YouTube that can solve it in 144 seconds....

Beautiful Angel

I really wanted to take a few minutes to express my gratitude for the most beautiful spirit that has been in my life.

Carolyn Jude Johnson... just saying her name brings a smile to my soul. I feel like I have told her story a million times, but today is the tenth anniversary of the day her work was done on this Earth, so I thought it would be appropriate to tell it once again.

Can you imagine being so pure that you did not need to be tested in this life? She had such a light about her. She seemed to radiate knowledge and light. I did not realize just how different she was since she was my first child. But I have learned just how different she really was.

She lived a short 7 and a half weeks, but she touched more lives than most people touch in their lifetimes. It would be impossible to describe what that little girl meant to so many people. She brought hope and peace to most everyone she came in contact with. I would not even try to name all of the lives she touched. I can tell you though, that most babies that young have not even met that many people, let alone make such a life changing impact. I know with my other children, they hadn't even met most of the extended family by the time they were two months old!

There are so many stories to tell, but I just want to share my experience as a first time mother to a perfect soul.I was sick most of her precious life. I remember her smell even to this day. I had never spent any time with a newborn, so I thought it was just how newborn's smelled. Now I just know there was something special about even her smell. The smell of heaven. She was such a comfort. I remember so many people that met her, just had to come visit again, just to hold her, to feel that comfort.

She seemed so wise. She would roll her eyes if she didn't want to eat and I was trying to make her eat. I could just hear her say, come on mom as her eyes rolled.

The day she left was surreal of course. I don't know that I need to convey what that was like. In the days to follow, I mourned deeply and would speak to anyone that would listen about the things I was mourning. The life I wanted for her and with her. To do her hair, to watch her grow and learn, to watch her get married and to have children. So many things I was not going to have. I remember a day or two after the funeral I was laying in bed, I had just woken up pretty early in the morning. I could feel every part of her little body on my chest. I did not dare open my eyes because I did not want her to leave me. I could smell her hair and feel her little fingers scrape at my shirt. I layed there with my eyes closed and said goodbye to my precious angel. As her spirit left me I could see her walk away (my eyes were still closed), a beautiful spirit, not a baby but a young woman with a bright smile and flowing dark brown hair. That was enough for me to start to heal. To know what my beautiful angel looks like. I will forever be grateful for her last hug goodbye to her heartbroken Mother. What a precious gift!

Whenever a child is lost, everyone who cares for the parent of that child has a really hard time knowing what to say. Which is understandable because no one wants to be in their place and luckily few really have any idea what you are going through. I heard everything from, "the pain will never really go away" to "it gets so much better as time goes on". I think the hardest thing for me to hear is when people tell me they are sorry. While I understand why they would say this to me, that always hurt the most.

Although the pain is real and hard was the hardest time in my life emotionally by far. The joy I got from her short little life was worth every second. I feel like her wise soul only needed to be here for 52 days. And I am so grateful I spent all 52 days with her. To me if I was sorry for losing her, I would be sorry for having her, and I am not.

I would not give up one single second of her life to take away one ounce of the pain.

I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father trusted me with such a beautiful soul. And I am grateful for the tremendous love and comfort I feel when I think about her. I am looking forward to my reunion with that beautiful dark-haired angel.....

But not too soon. :)